watching my cousin preparing for her overseas education, i can't help but sense a certain sadness within her. a certain tinge of reluctance to leave. i guess i could understand. leaving for somewhere else means we're going to leave a big part of our lives back home. and the thought of losing that very essential or important moments with our loved ones is a scary one. the first step to uprooting is always the most difficult to take.

it means saying goodbye to wot we are used to.

we don't know wot the new path has for us and if you ask me.. it's frightening to know that you won't have anyone familiar beside you when you fall. you're all alone in a foreign land.

sigh. all of a sudden the thought of going away doesn't appear to be so appealing after all. but that's life, isn't it? if we stick to wot we are used to - our comfort zone - then, wot's the point in living? trying something new is always scary, but the experiences gained, more than makes up for it and ultimately - priceless.

life has it's many little secrets waiting to be discovered. it'll broaden up our horizons. make us more independent. more mature. more... real? distance is but a mere separation of mortal bodies, true love gets stronger with each increasing distance. if friendships, relationships, family ties cannot overcome this hurdle then, wot kind of friendship, relationship, etc is that? things cannot stay the same. why not? i guess it's part of growing up.

having said that

being without the ones you love is tantamount to not living at all. it's like your whole respiratory system being cut off and you left there, outside, alone. sigh. i contradict myself sometimes!

"he envies her at times. when she proclaims it's hard to do it with other people's money. the immense pressure, the what-nots, he can't help but to think to himself "...and wot abt me?" he never had and may never have the opportunity to do it. everything's gone. each time the subject's brought up, the same words reverberate thru his head. there ain't no more. and he can't help but to blame the people he lovingly call his brothers. the silver spoon has turned rusty. all that's left in his mouth, a wooden spoon, a wooden ladle. rotting in the wind."

you know with all these talks about going overseas for university education, i am rather upset that i am in National Service! tough! i hate the thought of starting two years later than all my female friends. i hate the thought that i'm going to be stuck HERE (even though, if i might add, i did choose to go to NUS!)!

rose is going to melbourne(Monash Uni, doing Law. good eh? so happy for you!!), suching is going to Yale(powerhouse!! Yale! no joke!), this band-girl-i-forgot-her-name-from-acjc-met-at-wasbe-now-working-in-toast is going to New York University (her first year's in Italy mind you!), Rozzie going to, oh wait i dunno where she's going, but she's still going overseas.. and a host of other friends and well-wishers all going overseas!

i hate the idea of being stuck here NOW, and i guess being in national service is not making it any better. i want to start studying. i want to have my lit books in front of me as we talk about feminism in literature, as we talk about whatever else they talk about in Lit Major @ NUS tutorials/lectures. oh and i just watched Gilmore Girls and rory is already in Yale, YALE!! my dream school. (note the embolded "dream", cos it'll always remain as that!) argh.. all these mambo jambo.

was at the airport today pigging out on swensen's ice cream after a nice lunch at Holiday Inn, Crown plaza was packed so airport it was. Father's day and all.. anyway, back to my rantings, just being there magnifies the immense sadness of my realisation that i'm stuck HERE now! i can't go anywhere!! i feel trapped! argh.. damn you Sang Nila Utama. must you name this small tiny red dot Singapore. oh and Stamford Raffles, sir, don't think you can get away. You had to get your silly ass down here and make it a landmark in the Malay Archipelago. you had to develop it so that it became one of the best in this region. THANKS!

=ok, enough of my resentments, whinings and rantings for a day=

yesterday was sooooo much fun. planned the "Family Day" for the perm staff(permanent staff) of OETI(Ordnance Engineering Training Institute, my CAMP!). well actually, Kenneth and i just planned the trasure hunt but it was so much fun. we got to see like all these officers and master sergeants with their wife and kids and it was such a fantastic feeling seeing such wonderful families coming out to enjoy themselves.

anywhoozelbees, the real fun only starts after the event.. I GOT A RIDE ON A SWANKY
ORANGE CONVERTIBLE! ok.. just imagine that in orange!oh my god.. it's so cool!! a bit small tho. but i packed it in!! it was amazing.. i feel so, spoilt! hahah. not that i'm already not. swanky eh?? thank you sgt mark!

oh come next month...
this would be mine!!hahaha! it launches next month in singapore. so yeah!

alrite, alrite. enough of all these. i've gotta log off. dinner then emma bovary beckons..