i guess it's time to bury the hatchet. what are we like 6? oh well. i guess gold means alot more to you than it does me. not that i'm saying i dun want it. i want it with all my heart. but i've experience getting gold before. so. getting a gold now is the icing on the cake! yup. so let's just forget wat happened. a note tho' if you ever carry that tone on me or anyone else for that matter, again. i swear to god i'll make you sorry u were born! sounds violent huh? oh well. c'est la vie!

dun force yourself to do things you dun believe in. if you're not sincere. dun say anything. it'll just exarcebate the situation! i was not born yesterday. but for the sake of what's coming up. i'll let it rest. uin any case. you have not affected me! acherlie. i shud say thanks. cos' u gave me new sense of determination. wadeva!

well you know how it is. ig et upset fer awhile. blow off some steam. and then i'm ok oredi. unfortunately. some people just wouldn't allow me to do that properly. once again, he refuse to reconcile our differences. acted like as though i'm in the fucking wrong. wateva! i dun give a damn anymore. i offered you a seat next to me. you sat the seat next to that and purposely left a space between us. so. whateva ok. i'm done trying. it was never my fault so stop trying to act like i put this all on myself.

anyway, i'm doing better. shu qin says that my crash sounds good oredi and that i've adapted to the new technique well. just need a couple more practice to make it sound louder. i dunno. the new technique is good but it does not sound as loud as my own way of crashing. hmmmph. must try harder. must practice harder! must. must. must.

sometimes i wonder. why is it that i cringe each time a member of the MCS walks pass or sat near the table i'm in. is it a natural response. maybe i should try to act more accomodating and not so "anti-malay". i dunno. i mean i'm not like that to all of them. just a few people. i guess i kinda feel very out of place each time i'm around them. i feel like a sore thumb sticking out. whenever they speak malay. i dunno how to answer back in malay. i always answer in english. it's just habit! not that i purposely did it. i mean when my mom ask me questions in malay or my dad do the same thing. i normally answer in english. in any case. i've not heard this household speaking malay since i got out of SJI.now that's a long while ago. i should try to be nice to these people. not as if they are plague-carriers. but then again. u dun really know. but hey. who am i to think the worse of people? i'm not perfect myself.

life goes on. lalala

ok you know how sometimes you say things and it hurts someone. yeah.i kinda experienced that just now! it was one of the most awful thing to go through.

seriously. do u not realise what you said hurt? i know you are good and all but you dun have to take that condescending tone on me! i hate that! it's as if. i'm beneath you. yeah. yeah. i know i'm not a damn good percussionist but you dun have to take that tone on me! i almost felt like throwing the cymbals in your face! i would have expected something like that to have come out from huiyin, but alas. it came out from you. i suppose you are to caught up in the 'elitist' clique so much that you forget. you are not that much good! you may say that you didn't mean it to come out the way it did. but boy. the things one say at the spur of the moment. is what one really feel! and so dun try to deny it! no matter what. i dun believe anyone should be spoken to like they are neanderthals!

it's not constructive criticism, lemme tell you! shu qin, is the SL and never once had she taken such a tone at me! i mean. she has the rite to if she wanted cos' of the authority she has been bestowed with. but never once did she treat me like some menials. excuse me! it's not as if i dun feel bad ok that i couldn't crash properly. worse still, it's like 6 days left to SYF and i'm still 'popping'! you just had to exarcebate the situation by stating your claim. well let me state mine. if you are so good at it. den take the cymbals away from me. and go and play for the SYF! i've been trying my best to perfect the crash. and i've been practicing every chance i get. it's not as if i came in like a big shot qand just crashed! you just made it see like as tho' i didn't practice at all. you and that other woman are all the same.

i never thought i'd ever say this to you. or anyone else except for her. fo that matter. if you think you are damn good that you can take that tone towards other people. then go ahead. make my day and crash the god damn fucking cymbals! derrick is like 20 times better than all of us combine and yet he have never taken an arrogant tone towards anybody! wateva lah. if u tink u are good. i applaud you. end of story.

*fucking piece of crappy day!*

virgin is getting on my nerve with each passing day! she meants well. but she should just stop treating us like kids and speak with that kind of tone. i fucking hate that!