you know, i'm starting to hate miss lim. she's getting on my nerve with each passing day! granted, she's a very good gp tutor. but that's about it! nothing more than that. i mean she nags too much. even more than my mom. treats us like children! even my mom dun speak and use the tone of voice that she used! she's a new tutor you see, and when she came in, she told us she'd heard alot of good things about our class.. she heard that 3302 is an excellent class with good command of the language.

recently she made us do an essay. after marking it, she came to class with a black face saying that we have disappointed her. she didn't expect us to do so badly and that she was shocked to get those results after all the good comments made about us! i mean, what the hell! nobody told her to believe all the hype that the teachers were making! who the hell told her to have her own pre-conception about us? no one told her that. she just started teaching us. so, why is he believing other people instead of experiencing it herself! it so irritating.

then she goes on comparing us with her double math class.. saying that they are better. and that they know the meaning to the word raison d'etre. and it's so embarrassing that since a Science class knows the word, how come an arts class dun! what the hell!! what? did she think we ate and drink the dictionary day and nght? just because we are an arts fac class does not at all mean we are wekll-versed with all the languages in the world. besides will it kill us if we didn't know the meaning?

i hate it when she treats us like kids. not to say that we are always good, of course there are timeswhen we're so shagged that we can't even bother listening to what she said. still, that did not give her the right to treat us like that! she scolded us one day, saying that some of us have this smirk on our faces proclaiming that "i'm smart.. i know everything.. what elese do u want to teach me that i do not know?" - look. NONSENSE! i seriously dun believe that.. if anything.. we are very eager to learn.. the smartest gal in our class... Yiling is damn smart i tell you! but there's not a tinge of arrogance in her... she's like the epitome of modesty.. reincarnation of humilty! excellent character! so i really dun see what the hell was miss lim's point! irritating wrench!

"mirror mirror lie to me, show me what i wanna see"
~ M2M

argh!!!! i miss CJ... it's times like this that i look back and remember the times spent in 1T02! i sure had a lot of fun. i dunno why i left really. i mean if i loved it so much, why didn't i stay? i'm not sure why actually.. maybe it's because of sociatal pressure? i guess i shudn't be so shallow as that rite? considering, i am not a puppet of society. i am my own individual. i think what i want. and yet, i did feel somewhat compelled to get out of CJ. maybe it's arrogance. maybe i didn't see myself in CJ since i was a 10-pointer. but who cares how many points you scored in your stupid O's? is that the only thing that mattered? i told myself countless times that it's only paper qualification. whether you went to CJ or RJ, it's still the same education rite?

ok one reason why i didn't want to stay in CJ was because i wanted so much to get into VJ. i wanted to do TSD and so i chose to get out of CJ. bad choice maybe? of course i didn't get into VJ. ended up in TJ instead! felt like being dumped! anyway, many would still say that TJ is still much better than CJ!! at least it's a top 5 JC. so what if it's in top 5? big deal! you still get the same sort of education! different teacher-qualities? maybe, to a certain extent.. but CJ teachers are very dedicated and well-read.knowledgeable!

i've got great frens in cj. i mean we're not as close to each other as we were back then. but at least we still do smile and stop to talk for a while if we ever meet! it's just that sometimes i feel like TJ pple are very fake. i mean, i may be guilty of that too at times, but generally, i find TJ pple to be rather pretentious.maybe the feeling of being in a top fve jc provoke in you that little elitist feeling but why? many of them there are smart, no doubt. but there are many others who aren't as smart and they are deemed "lucky" to be in the college because of their L1R5. shallow eh? so opportunities are missed out because you dun qyualify. because you didn't get 9A1s during your O's. because you didn't get 8 points and below!

alot of folks think that because you've got 10 points and below for O's, you'vre made it.. it basically means you're smart! well, lemme tell you secret.. i'm not (stop agreeing to this jinesh!!) i seriously worked my ass off to get those grades. i had no life 3 months prior to O's. whole day and nite spent in SJI library. i guess i shud not complain. but i really feel that there are alot of mis-conceptions lingering around people's minds when you tell them you are from a top 5 jc. oh wait, first of all.. they dunno that we are a top 5 school! funny eh?

And then the people. The people in CJ (at least the ones that are my friends) are so much more than my friends in other, "better" JCs, even TJ. Maybe it's because they know what life is, because they realise that life is so much more than studies which is why they're not scoring sky-high or because their talents lie in other fields but their characters are so much more complex. rich. talented. deeper. than my other friends who have done "better". I'm not saying my TJ friends are nerds with no lives and who can only mug but in some aspects it's true.

i come from an open and liberal environment of SJI and so, i feel very comfortable to be friendly towards everyone else, which i did in CJ. in TJ, unfortunately, people are so self-consumed. they bother more about whether or not their essay test scores are higher than yours! where is the sense of camaraderie? a sense of friendship. i must say tho, that there are people like that. as in the people in my clique are great people! they dun just bother about their academic grades.. but also about friendship.passion.love.comrades!

->sidetrack<-
ok.. i am feeling slightly sore.. i just read someone's online diary and i felt kinda guilty.. i really didn't realise that i was causing so much irritation that it had come to this. that was last year's post btw! i dunno if evrything is back to normal.. but i sure tink so. i dunno.. i dun feel like talking about it.. maybe i shall call momo and write a postcard or something.. i dunno.. life sux when u knoe something negative! wy didn't u tell me all this? why must u keep it all to urself and just act like nothing's wrong? you could have told me. and i would have changed! i hate this feeling! if i could crawl into a small hole and hide there.. i would.. gawd help me! i'm just feeling low now..i guess i'll stop writing. why must it be that way?

---no song today---

"Friendship survives the relationship in which it was neglected"

alrite! i give up! been trying to find out where my past posts gone to.. still to no avail! it's getting very frustrating! the archives dun show at all.. always having some error page!! what's the point of having an archive page if it keep reading "ERROR"!!!! peeved, i tell u, peeved!!

anyway, i still havre yet to do any homework! i think i'm going to get screwed! my S paper essay..sigh...i'm not even at the first line! somebody help me! it's just very taxing when you have alot of things to do.. and also.. i'm v. sleepy.. so evrything feels very melancholic and i'm actually being nonchalant about the essay due tomorrow.. i used to be more anxious than this! what's happening to me? i feel tired almost everyday of the week, even though my breaks are atrociously too many and i end school rather early compared to year 1... i guess it's the stress! year 1 was a blast.. whizzed thru' it wit no worries what-so-ever.. this year, i have alot of things on my mind.. A Levels, S paper, conscripted into the army early!! all these are constantly playing itself in my mind, reluctant to just leave my throbbing head alone! frustrating, i tell you.. frustrating! i guess i'll try and finish up my essay by tonite... or at least half of it! i cannot go to tutorial tomorrow knowing that i have not AT ALL complete even a quarter of my work!

ARGH!!! somebody help me!!

*i've got no song in mind!! buzz off*